Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
