i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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