At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
