so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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