I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
