I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
