I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
