I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
