explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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