trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
