Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
