i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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