Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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