somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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