I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
