i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
