Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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