I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
