Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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