well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
