I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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