I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
whose parrot is this?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
