he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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