Your dad touched me again.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
