Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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