I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Welp...herpes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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