Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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