I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
