I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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