Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am puke
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
