Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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