When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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