I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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