I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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