Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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