Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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