whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
