I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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