So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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