marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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