How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
