The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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