i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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