im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
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it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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