I didn't shave. On purpose
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
