your thong is hanging out like whoa
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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