True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize