Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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