So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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