Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
