dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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