i would punch a child for taco bell
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
