on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
