well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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