I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
