his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
