just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
