Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
