AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
