I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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