I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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