I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Can Purell be used as lube?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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