I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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