don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
