I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
