if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
