My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
