hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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