I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
