I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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