I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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