my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
