I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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