I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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