Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
