wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
