Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
