Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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