I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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